Tuesday, 23 January 2018


Dear ,

You don’t know me but I hear you are going through a tough time, and I would like to help you. I want to be open and honest with you, and let you know that happiness isn’t something just afforded to a special few. It can be yours, if you take the time to let it grow.

It’s OK to be stressed, scared and sad, I certainly have been throughout my life. I’ve confronted my biggest fears time and time again. I’ve cheated death on many adventures, seen loved ones pass away, failed in business, minced my words in front of tough audiences, and had my heart broken.

I know I’m fortunate to live an extraordinary life, and that most people would assume my success, have brought me happiness. But they haven’t; in fact it’s the reverse. I am connected because I am happy.

So many people get caught up in doing what they think will make them happy but, in my opinion, this is where they fail. Happiness is not about doing, it’s about being. In order to be happy, you need to think consciously about it. Don’t forget the to-do list, but remember to write a to-be list too.

Kids are often asked: ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’ The world expects grandiose aspirations: ‘I want to be an actor, a doctor, the prime minister.’

They’re told: go to school, go to college, get a job, get married, and then you’ll be happy. But that’s all about doing, not being – and while doing will bring you moments of joy, it won’t necessarily reward you with lasting happiness.

Stop and breathe. Be healthy. Be around your friends and family. Be bold. Just be for a minute.

If you allow yourself to be in the moment, and appreciate the moment, happiness will follow. I speak from experience. We’ve attended many memorable parties and met many unforgettable people. And while these things have brought me great joy, it’s the moments that I stopped just to be, rather than do, that have given me true happiness. Why? Because allowing yourself just to be, puts things into perspective. Try it. Be still. Be present.

For me, It’s holding my son's tiny hands. It’s looking up at the stars and dreaming of seeing them up close one day. It’s listening to my family’s dinner-time debates. It’s the smile on a stranger’s face, the smell of rain, the ripple of a wave, the wind across the sand.

There’s a reason we’re called human beings and not human doings. As human beings we have the ability to think, move and communicate in a heightened way. We can cooperate, understand, reconcile and love, that’s what sets us apart from most other species.

Don’t waste your human talents by stressing about nominal things, or that which you cannot change. If you take the time simply to be and appreciate the fruits of life, your stresses will begin to dissolve, and you will be happier.

But don’t just seek happiness when you’re down. Happiness shouldn’t be a goal, it should be a habit. Take the focus off doing, and start being every day. Be loving, be grateful, be helpful, and be a spectator to your own thoughts.

Allow yourself to be in the moment, and appreciate the moment. Take the focus off everything you think you need to do, and start being I promise you, happiness will follow.

Thursday, 11 January 2018

To sacrifice for good of humanity is the best policy

There is a blood bank inside the Tata Motors premises in Jamshedpur (there are Blood Banks in other plants as well).

This rule is also applied in Tata Steel too. If you donate a bottle of blood, not only you are given off for that day, but you can also avail an extra leave within 7 days of donating the blood.

Employees use it to extend their holidays. So, there is no shortage of leaves ever!!!

Needless to say, Tata loses several man-hours through this policy.

Once, while having a conversation with the employees of the company, Ratan Tata was asked a question (by a senior official), “People take undue advantage of the policy. We lose several man-hours due to this. The blood is replenished within 24 hours, you know. Why to give that extra holiday within 7 days of donating blood.”

Ratan Tata smiled. He always does. And then came a calm reply. “Encouragement is something I don’t need to teach you. Only a few people donate because they want to. Talking about man-hours, we may be losing some man-hours doing that, but have you ever thought of the number of man-hours that get added to the person’s life who receives that blood in the time of necessity? I am ready to sacrifice some of our man-hours for the better good of humanity.”

Ratan Tata is really inspiring Person and everyone should learn a lot with this.

Wednesday, 27 December 2017

You Will Never Regret Being Kind

Serving people who treat you well is relatively easy. But serving people who behave badly toward you? That can be much harder.

At one time or another, we’ve all been disrespected. I have. You have. We all have. We’ve experienced behavior that is rude, arrogant, self-serving, jealous, demeaning, dominating, and even manipulative.

It is not easy to serve people when they are falling short of their potential in these ways. But when they show up like this in your relationships, you can lean on your servant leadership orientation to guide yourself and them to higher ground.

Here are five practices to help you stay kind and serve while dealing with awful behavior:

1.     Acknowledge
When people behave badly toward you, it likely has nothing to do with you. It could, but chances are high that it doesn’t. Most often, the bad behavior you can see is rooted in emotional trauma that’s hidden.

People often disrespect others in order to create on the outside what they feel on the inside. In other words, they seek to hurt because they themselves are hurting. This usually isn’t a conscious process. It’s often spontaneous. Whether or not the pain people are feeling is rational or justified is beside the point.

If this idea feels foreign to you, think about the last time you stubbed your toe. When you felt that sharp, intense pain shoot through your foot, what was your first reaction? You had to expel something, right? Maybe that something was a gasp or a yell or a word that can’t be printed in this blog.
The pain came in to your body, and so something had to come out of your body.

That’s often how disrespectful behavior is formed. Life causes people pain and, because they’ve never been taught to “expel” that pain productively, they do it unproductively, through all sorts of negative attitudes and behaviors.
Acknowledge this. Allow yourself to be guided by it when you experience or witness disrespect.

Scottish author and theologian Rev. John Watson put it best: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

2.     De-escalate
That said, you shouldn’t be a doormat. No servant leader should. In fact, servant leadership is rewarding precisely because you lean in to situations like this. But before you respond, ask yourself, what is your instinctual response to being disrespected?

If you’re like the rest of us, your gut instinct is either to go on the offense or the defense. The truth is, neither of those positions will serve you. When you react to poor behavior by attacking the other person or defending yourself, you’ll only amplify the emotions that are causing the behavior to occur in the first place.

So, don’t react immediately. Pause. Count to ten in your head. Breath deeply, relax your posture, and allow your spiked emotions the chance to calm back down a bit. If you can wait a few hours before responding to poor behavior, do so. Give yourself permission to calm down and regain perspective.

The other person will feel you pausing. They won’t be able to not feel it. And even if they aren’t yet able to pause their own emotional roller coaster, their inability to hijack you will keep the situation from escalating further.

3.     Invite
Once you’ve regained your balance, invite people into a “different” conversation with you – a conversation based in mutual respect, curiosity, and kindness.

When you talk, wipe the slate clean. Don’t dwell on the past. Give people the opportunity to begin again with you, on equal footing.

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” (Matthew 6:14)

4.     Model
Show people how you want to be treated. Pull out all the stops. Roll out the red carpet. The worse their behavior was to you, the more they desperately need you to show them the way!

“Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.” (1 Peter 3:9)

5.     Affirm
When you experience a positive shift – any positive shift — in the other person’s behavior, affirm it. Notice it, lift it up, and give thanks for it.

We all have so much work to do to become the people God created us to be. None of us is perfect. Let people know that you actually believe in their potential to get better. Just as God believed, and still believes. 

“And all are justified freely through his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” (Romans 3:24)


Mark Deterding

Leadership Development | Executive Coach | Consultant | Facilitator of Online Faith-Based Servant Leadership Training

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