Beginning today..

  

  Beginning today I will no longer worry about yesterday. It is in the past and the past will never change. Only I can change by choosing to do so.

    Beginning today I will no longer worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will always be there, waiting for me to make the most of it. But I cannot make the most of tomorrow without first making the most of today.

    Beginning today I will look in the mirror and I will see a person worthy of my respect and admiration. This capable person looking back at me is someone I enjoy spending time with and someone I would like to get to know better.

    Beginning today I will cherish each moment of my life. I value this gift bestowed upon me in this world and I will unselfishly share this gift with others. I will use this gift to enhance the lives of others.

    Beginning today I will take a moment to step off the beaten path and to revel in the mysteries I encounter. I will face challenges with courage and determination. I will overcome what barriers there may be which hinder my quest for growth and self-improvement.

    Beginning today I will take life one day at a time, one step at a time. Discouragement will not be allowed to taint my positive self-image, my desire to succeed or my capacity to love.

    Beginning today I walk with renewed faith in human kindness. Regardless of what has gone before, I believe there is hope for a brighter and better future.

    Beginning today I will open my mind and my heart. I will welcome new experiences. I will meet new people. I will not expect perfection from myself nor anyone else: perfection does not exist in an imperfect world. But I will applaud the attempt to overcome human foibles.

    Beginning today I am responsible for my own happiness and I will do things that make me happy . . . admire the beautiful wonders of nature, listen to my favorite music, pet a kitten or a puppy, soak in a bubble bath . . . pleasure can be found in the most simple of gestures.

    Beginning today I will learn something new; I will try something different; I will savor all the various flavors life has to offer. I will change what I can and the rest I will let go. I will strive to become the best me I can possibly be.

Life of Dad

 
 Eddie is 50 years old and lives in Worthing with his 13 year old son, Connor. After his wife died suddenly when their son was just a few months old, Eddie had to adapt quickly to life as a widowed single parent. Here, he shares how he’s juggled work with family life, and why his son Connor is his best friend.

Asking for help

I became a single dad in August of 2000, when my son, Connor, was just five months old. My wife died of Sudden Death Syndrome. I spoke to her on the phone at 3.30pm, and she was pronounced dead at around 5.30pm. Her heart just stopped.

Becoming a single dad meant I learned to ask for help – not something I would have done in the past! In the early days especially, I had a great deal of support from Connor’s grandparents, women from the local ante-post natal group which I’d always taken an active role in, and of course friends. Connor went to private nursery two days a week between the ages of one and four. This did him the world of good and helped me get on with earning a living.

The challenges of work

I was off work for around three months, coming to terms with what had happened. I’m still trying to come to terms really. I was a store manager of a large DIY superstore in Sussex, traveling about 25 miles a day and working long hours. My line manager was very supportive and had arranged for me to work 10am to 4pm on the road in order for me to be flexible.

About a month after going back to work, I had a call to say Connor was being rushed to hospital with suspected meningitis. I just thought “give me break”. He was in hospital for about two weeks, where I slept on the floor with a sleeping bag as I did not want to leave him. His grandparents helped a great deal, as did my closest friends. We eventually discovered it was pneumonia, which he was to contract again in a month’s time. Again my line manager was very good, and although he put no pressure on me, I felt I was letting my employer down.

Ultimately I had to leave the company as I could not maintain my job role. I don’t think employers expect a man to be on his own with a child, let alone a baby. Nobody seemed interested in giving me a job so I had to try a different route. I had managed to save some money, and decided to buy a cafe, which I renovated and then sold. For the past eight years or so since, I have managed my own property renovations business. This has given me the flexibility with school hours, sickness and holidays that I need to manage as a single dad to Connor.

Combining being mum and dad

Bringing up Connor on my own has taught me a lot. It’s easy to lose your patience with children, but I’ve learn they have bad days too. So you need to be careful how you say things, and with your facial expressions – they pick up on more than you know. One roll of the eyes can break their confidence, but what they really want is to please you and make you proud.

Juggling everything has been far the most challenging thing I’ve had to do. Work, home, emotions, learning what is the next step in a child’s life and how to deal with it, combining being mum and dad, making sure he gets lots of cuddles, being there when he needs a talk about anything and also just knowing when he wants to be alone. My time management has also had to get better in order to be at the school gates by 3pm to collect Connor. Now at 13 years old, he’s happy to walk home and I can work that bit longer, although I still like to be here when he gets home.

I first heard of Gingerbread and joined my local group in 2002. The local group helped a great deal, and I was in contact with quite a few members at the time. I’ve also used Gingerbread’s online chat forums too.

Remembering mum

I have always worried that Connor would feel a little outcast, as not having a mum is unusual. Connor never knew his mum, so I think he misses her presence rather than her as a person. We would make things for his mummy – pictures, drawings and little gifts would be placed on her grave. He has a picture of me and his mum in his room, his way of seeing what we would have been like, I guess. I answer all his questions about before she died, the wonderful five months we all had together, and what she would think now. Mother’s day, Christmas – those are the days he would notice it more. These days I get both Mother’s day and Father’s day presents from him.

Connor’s doing well at school. He was made school council in his first year of secondary school, which was a real proud moment for me, as was seeing him invested as a cub, then a sea scout, where he became a patrol leader. Just to look at him makes me proud and I know his mum would be too. It still saddens me to think his mum never got to see any of it, and that he never got to see her face and meet the wonderful person his mum was.

Courage and pride

When Connor was nine years old his grandpa died of cancer, all quite sudden. After me, he was Connor’s best friend. Connor insisted on going to the barbers to have his hair shaved, just so his Grandpa wasn’t on his own with a short haircut. He wrote a short message that he insisted on reading out at the funeral, dressed in his sea cub uniform. The courage that little boy showed that day will stay with me for the rest of my days.

The main thing I have learned from becoming a single parent is that there is so much more to life than work and money. 13 years ago when my wife died, I was on very good money. I had a regular income, a pension, and a company car. I now work month to month. Being self-employed means a regular wage cannot be guaranteed, which is an enormous pressure. If I’m off with Connor because he’s sick, or it’s the school holidays, or we just need some plain old quality time together, it means no wages.

But quality time with my son wins every time. I adore my son; he is by far my best friend. We spend a lot of time together fishing, enjoying sport or just relaxing. I have just started kayaking with him too.

I still miss my wife, I think I always will. It’s true that time is a healer, I have a wonderful, kindhearted son that I am so proud of. I feel privileged to be his dad. I owe him more than he will ever know.

Everyone Has a Story in Life

A 24 year old boy seeing out from the train’s window shouted…

“Dad, look the trees are going behind!”

Dad smiled and a young couple sitting nearby, looked at the 24 year old’s childish behavior with pity, suddenly he again exclaimed…

“Dad, look the clouds are running with us!”

The couple couldn’t resist and said to the old man…

“Why don’t you take your son to a good doctor?”The old man smiled and said…“I did and we are just coming from the hospital, my son was blind from birth, he just got his eyes today.

Every single person on the planet has a story. Don’t judge people before you truly know them. The truth might surprise you.