2. “First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.” – Steve Martin
3. “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” – Isaac Asimov
4. “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard
5. “The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire
6. “Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.” – Dave Barry
7. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.” – Flip Wilson
8. “A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.” – Oliver Herford
9. “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” – Steven Wright
10. “Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.” – Unknown
11. “If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?” – Milton Berle
12. “I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.” – Unkown
13. “When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.” – Norm Crosby
14. “To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.” – Unkown
15. “The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.” – Franklin P. Jones
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