Wednesday, 27 December 2017

You Will Never Regret Being Kind

Serving people who treat you well is relatively easy. But serving people who behave badly toward you? That can be much harder.

At one time or another, we’ve all been disrespected. I have. You have. We all have. We’ve experienced behavior that is rude, arrogant, self-serving, jealous, demeaning, dominating, and even manipulative.

It is not easy to serve people when they are falling short of their potential in these ways. But when they show up like this in your relationships, you can lean on your servant leadership orientation to guide yourself and them to higher ground.

Here are five practices to help you stay kind and serve while dealing with awful behavior:

1.     Acknowledge
When people behave badly toward you, it likely has nothing to do with you. It could, but chances are high that it doesn’t. Most often, the bad behavior you can see is rooted in emotional trauma that’s hidden.

People often disrespect others in order to create on the outside what they feel on the inside. In other words, they seek to hurt because they themselves are hurting. This usually isn’t a conscious process. It’s often spontaneous. Whether or not the pain people are feeling is rational or justified is beside the point.

If this idea feels foreign to you, think about the last time you stubbed your toe. When you felt that sharp, intense pain shoot through your foot, what was your first reaction? You had to expel something, right? Maybe that something was a gasp or a yell or a word that can’t be printed in this blog.
The pain came in to your body, and so something had to come out of your body.

That’s often how disrespectful behavior is formed. Life causes people pain and, because they’ve never been taught to “expel” that pain productively, they do it unproductively, through all sorts of negative attitudes and behaviors.
Acknowledge this. Allow yourself to be guided by it when you experience or witness disrespect.

Scottish author and theologian Rev. John Watson put it best: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

2.     De-escalate
That said, you shouldn’t be a doormat. No servant leader should. In fact, servant leadership is rewarding precisely because you lean in to situations like this. But before you respond, ask yourself, what is your instinctual response to being disrespected?

If you’re like the rest of us, your gut instinct is either to go on the offense or the defense. The truth is, neither of those positions will serve you. When you react to poor behavior by attacking the other person or defending yourself, you’ll only amplify the emotions that are causing the behavior to occur in the first place.

So, don’t react immediately. Pause. Count to ten in your head. Breath deeply, relax your posture, and allow your spiked emotions the chance to calm back down a bit. If you can wait a few hours before responding to poor behavior, do so. Give yourself permission to calm down and regain perspective.

The other person will feel you pausing. They won’t be able to not feel it. And even if they aren’t yet able to pause their own emotional roller coaster, their inability to hijack you will keep the situation from escalating further.

3.     Invite
Once you’ve regained your balance, invite people into a “different” conversation with you – a conversation based in mutual respect, curiosity, and kindness.

When you talk, wipe the slate clean. Don’t dwell on the past. Give people the opportunity to begin again with you, on equal footing.

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” (Matthew 6:14)

4.     Model
Show people how you want to be treated. Pull out all the stops. Roll out the red carpet. The worse their behavior was to you, the more they desperately need you to show them the way!

“Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.” (1 Peter 3:9)

5.     Affirm
When you experience a positive shift – any positive shift — in the other person’s behavior, affirm it. Notice it, lift it up, and give thanks for it.

We all have so much work to do to become the people God created us to be. None of us is perfect. Let people know that you actually believe in their potential to get better. Just as God believed, and still believes. 

“And all are justified freely through his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” (Romans 3:24)


Mark Deterding

Leadership Development | Executive Coach | Consultant | Facilitator of Online Faith-Based Servant Leadership Training

Wednesday, 6 December 2017

5 Life Lessons from the Army Life

  1. Don't sweat the small stuff. Life is much bigger. you will meet big challenges.
  2. Team wins, Team loose. No space for individual gladiator.
  3. Many times you will be failed in life but that failure designed to bring out your real strength. You don't choose occupation, Occupation choose you.
  4. When opportunity hits you , you won't get a time to prepare. You require to be combat ready every day.
  5. Leaders are suppose to produce leaders better than them.
By Capt. Raghu Raman

Thursday, 26 October 2017

Dad's Letter To his child on first day of school

Dearest Son,

Well, here it is – your first day of school. You’ve been jumping out of your skin with excitement about this for weeks now. And today you joined thousands of other kids to embark on your very first day at school.

This morning you got up before the sun and put on your bag – all by yourself and for real, not just for ‘practice’. When we arrived at your new school, you got out of the car, held my hand and literally skipped down the path towards your classroom, happy and excited about what this much-anticipated day would bring.

Your confidence assured us that there really wasn’t any reason to get upset. When it came time to say goodbye, you smiled and waved - and we left. There were no tears.

OK, so I did feel a little emotional as we left you in that classroom ... because it’s difficult to fathom that our Boy is so ready to be a school Boy.

You see, it really doesn’t feel like all that long ago that you were born. Such a precious little baby boy, you were. We called you our ‘Love Love’ because your Mom and I fell head over heels for you the moment we laid eyes on your gorgeous little face. Where have these Two years gone, already? And why does it feel as though the next five years are going to go even faster?

 Now you’re at school, you’ve reached the next stage in your life. Today you start on a journey of learning that will see you through your childhood and, hopefully, contribute in shaping you into a happy, successful grown up.

This is the point where your mom and I need to accept that you’re no longer just our little Love Love – your life is now becoming your own. This is the point where we must step back and allow you to shine your own amazing light on the world. Because we know there is so much light in you - you’ve been dazzling us for years.

I understand why this is so exciting for you - I'm excited for you too! I went on this journey as well, many years ago, and as an adult who came through the other side, I recognize the significance of this milestone. Today is a momentous first step on your life's journey and I feel so honored to be witnessing your world opening up.

Your school years will extend now for 16 years - longer, if you choose to go to university. It’s a long road ahead and during this time you will inevitably learn and grow into your own.

You will also discover many interesting facts, theories and possibilities about your world that will make you think, wonder and question for the rest of your life.

Friendships will come and they’ll go, intriguing and inspiring you sometimes, and disappointing and hurting you at others.

You will excel at some things and fail at others. You will fall over sometimes and struggle, but you will also learn to dust yourself off and get back up, which is the most important lesson of all.

This is the start of something amazing, Love Love. And we couldn't be prouder of you. You’ll be a child for such a short time, so be sure to enjoy this experience as much as you possibly can.

And know that you’ll never be alone - Blessing from Mom, Dad , Grandma and Grandpa will always be here on the sidelines to support you and cheer you on.

We love you so much.
Your Hero

Tuesday, 18 July 2017

The Butterfly (Struggles)

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Until it suddenly stopped making any progress, and looked like it was stuck.

So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily, although it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.

The man didn’t think anything of it, and sat there waiting for the wings to enlarge to support the butterfly. But that didn’t happen. The butterfly spent the rest of its life unable to fly, crawling around with tiny wings and a swollen body.

Despite the kind heart of the man, he didn’t understand that the restricting cocoon and the struggle needed by the butterfly to get itself through the small opening were God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings to prepare itself for flying once it was out of the cocoon.

Moral of the story: Our struggles in life develop our strengths. Without struggles we never grow and never get stronger, so it’s important for us to tackle challenges on our own, and not be relying on help from others

Saturday, 1 April 2017

14 Things Your Successful Friends Have Given Up

Sit down and think, for a moment, about what your successful friends do compared to your loser friends that complain. If you don’t have any successful friends, then you need these tips I’m about to share more than anyone.

Your successful friends think differently, speak differently, and work 10 times harder than your loser friends. Success is easier than you think it is, but you’ve got to model and learn from the right people. Your unsuccessful loser friends are the ones that are feeding your mind lies.

They’re telling you that you can’t do it, or it’s too hard, or there’s no meaning in it all anyway. What total crap! Listen to your successful friends. Divorce your unsuccessful friends once and for all. You’re destined for big things, young Skywalker.

Here are 14 things your successful friends have given up:
1. They’ve given up believing they can’t change the world

 Your successful friends believe that it’s not where you are born, how much education you have, or how much money you start out with; success is about believing you can change the world. All of us have the power to do something incredible.
We don’t need anyone to tell us we are worthy, or deserve to be phenomenal. Your successful friends let the belief in themselves guide their vision for a better world. Your successful friends believe they can be part of the positive change that helps humanity rise to a higher level.
2. They’ve given up on luck

“Luck is a matter of preparation meeting opportunity” – Oprah Winfrey
Luck is a myth straight out. Your successful friends stopped believing in it a long time ago and have replaced luck with “hustle.”
Get out there and make stuff happen. Stop waiting for the right time because it’s never the right time to do anything. You’re in charge of your success, and you’ve got to grab it by the curly ones. The lottery is not going to make you have good luck and be rich; your mind is.
3. They’ve given up on numbing pain

Your successful friends are not trying to escape life by numbing the pain; they’re trying to discover the pain and then push through it like a bulldozer. Rather than sit at the pub and drink beer, indulge on carbs/salt and mingle with the other losers, they’re out there having meetings and making the stars align towards their vision.
They’re frustrated not at the world, but at how much harder they’ve got to work to make their dream come true. Instead of forgetting their failures by numbing the pain, they’re trying to etch their failures into their brain so they can ensure they learn from them, rather than be pushed into darkness by them.
4. They’ve given up on negative people

More than anything, your successful friends have left their loser friends behind. They’re no longer going to sit down and listen to people who have no idea about anything. Your successful friends avoid losers and treat them like they’re infected with malaria.

The only time your successful friends are willing to hang out with a loser is when that person has committed to turning their life around, and they’re asking for help. Your successful friends believe in helping others and sharing their advice.
Don’t let negative people tell you how the world is supposed to be. Find out for your yourself. Grab a piece of the map that guides your life from each of your successful friends. Combine all of their knowledge, and then stop consuming content like this. Then go out and execute on it.
5. They’ve given up on time wasting

Procrastinating is something your successful friends are really bad at. They have faith in what they can achieve and just get started on the goal. They treat life like every moment is precious, and they don’t want to waste a second of it.
When your successful friends are old and have gray hair one day, they want to be proud of how they spent their time. Ideally, they want to have changed the world in some significant way, and for their legacy to last generations to come.
When they enter a room, they want to be given a standing ovation for the way they have lived their life. They are humbled by the gift of wisdom that they first saw, and then embraced with every cell in their body.
6. They’ve given up only consuming

Rather than consume YouTube videos all day long, your successful friends have given up consuming for creating. They spend as much time as possible doing the “doing” instead of sitting there watching others have the success they’ve always dreamt of.
As a rule of thumb, spend more than 50% of your time creating and leave the rest of the time for consuming.
7. They’ve given up selfishness

Your successful friends put their vision, family and goals before everything else. They also are insanely focused on giving and serving others. Put simply: life is not just all about them.
8. They’ve given up wasting their money

Money is one of the key differences. Successful people pay themselves first and invest a large amount of their income. They also never forget to make giving money a habit, even when they don’t have much money to give. How much you give will determine how rich you become.
9. They’ve given up on not believing in people

You can’t build Rome if you don’t have people to help with the workload. Your successful friends believe in other people, and pick their “A Team” wisely. They see raw talent, and love to polish certain people into beautifully shining diamonds. Your successful friends want to create more leaders rather than be the sole leader.
Your successful friends can see through all the imperfections someone might have, and notice the light that is desperately trying to shine through. They love to help people transform, and they believe anyone can be successful.
10. They’ve given up on negative thoughts

“World War 3 is not being fought on the battlefield like prior wars; it’s being fought in our own minds”
Your successful friends have oodles of discipline when it comes to their minds. It’s the center of their universe, and they know that all success starts in this one place. They train their mind every single day to avoid the default response of the brain that tells us negative things.
Rather than embrace their negative thoughts, your successful friends do everything they can to let these thoughts pass by like clouds in the sky. They’re an observer of their thoughts, and they choose to focus on the rare positive thoughts that come into their consciousness.

11. They’ve given up on being stuck in failure
“Failure is a cheap lesson in what’s not going to make you successful”
Your successful friends don’t let failure stop them; they use it to become more. Failure allows your successful friends to learn things they didn’t know. Failure equals education rather than a negative experience that stops them in their tracks.

12. They’ve given up on wearing a mask

Unlike the corporate politicians, your successful friends have taken the mask away. They’re happy to be vulnerable, and they share even the most personal of stories. Being fake is the ultimate crime to them, and letting who they are shine through is the only way they will live their life.
13. They’ve given up on people’s opinions of them

Your successful friends couldn’t give a rats a$$ what anyone thinks about them. They’re not trying to impress anyone other than themselves. That’s why they’re not afraid to have a go and fail.
14. They’ve given up on giving up

You’ve come a long way so far. The final thing your successful friends have given up is giving up. They’ve figured out that you can’t work three months on something and then say, “I’m not getting enough traction and quit.”

Your successful friends are not quitters. They push through all of the struggle and pain to earn the title of “successful.” It doesn’t come easy and what they do, more than any of the tips I’ve mentioned above, is NEVER GIVE UP!
Quitting is not an option, and they let their passion push through all the barriers. They’re insanely obsessed not to lose, and nothing is going to stop them. Could you adopt this mindset and then go on to join your successful friends on cloud nine where they all hang out after a day of winning at life? I believe you can. Do you?

Tim Denning
NAB / / - Helping Business with Online Strategy and Championing Entrepreneurship

Sunday, 26 February 2017

"Do it Anyway" by Mother Teresa

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.

            If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.
            If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
           If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway.
            What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  Create anyway.
            If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.
            The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway.
         Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway.
         In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway.

- Mother Teresa

Sunday, 15 January 2017

Every Day is a Second Chance

One day a young man asked his Master, “I fear death. How can I get rid of this fear?”

“Tell me,” the old man answered, “When you borrow a few coins, are you afraid to give them later back?”

“Of course not,” the student answered with surprise, “but what does this have to do with my fear?”

The teacher picked up a small piece of soil from the ground and continued, “You have received your body in debt with required return. And every bite of bread eaten by you, every sip of water drank by you increases that debt. You are made from dust on which you walk and the ground is your main creditor, constantly reminding you of this debt. It is pulling you down towards it. In the end, the ground will swallow you whole, without any remains.”

The old man threw the soil into the air, after attaining its fall, he finished, “No matter how high you rise, how long you are in the flight, you will still need to fall down. That is given. And to cope with the fear of this fall is very easy – stop thinking about yourself as the master of your body. Face the thought that you are just a tenant. And because you don’t know the length of your rent, remember that it can end at any second. We are all debtors, and our debts will certainly be recovered, no matter if we are afraid of it or not. So is there a point of being afraid?”

Sunday, 8 January 2017

A thought – is the most important thing

Once upon a time there lived a Sannyasi – a holy man, sitting by the tree and teaching people. He drank milk, and ate only fruits, endlessly was doing pranayama and thought of himself as a saint. In the same village a poor woman, that was called witch, lived. Everyday Sannyasi went to warn the woman that the black magic she was doing will bring her to hell. The poor woman couldn’t change her lifestyle because her black magic was the only way for her existence. She was strongly impressed by the story of her future that Sannyasi told her. She cried and prayed to God begging to forgive her, because she couldn’t help herself.

And then the saint and the witch died. Angels came and took her soul to heaven, and for the soul of Sannyasi came the devils.

– Why is that? – He protested, – didn’t I live a life of a saint? Why are they taking me to hell and the evil witch has gone to heaven?

– Because, – the devils responded, – she was forced to commit improper deeds, but her soul was always stretching to God, she prayed for forgiveness and now redemption came to her. And you did opposite, you committed only good deeds, but in your mind you were always concentrated on evil coming from others. You saw only sin, thought only about sin, so now you will go somewhere where there is only sin.

Monday, 2 January 2017

Our Character.

 A long time ago there was a boy. He was smart, talented and handsome. However, he was very selfish and his temper was so difficult, that nobody wanted to be friends with him. Often he got angry and said various hurtful things to people around him.

The boy‘s parents very concerned about his bad temper. They considered what they could do and one day the father had an idea. He called his son and gave him a hammer and a bag of nails. The father said: „Every time you get angry, take a nail and drive into that old fence as hard as you can.”

The fence was very tough and the hammer was heavy, nevertheless the boy was so furious that during the very first day he has driven 37 nails.

Day after day, week after week, the number of nails was gradually decreasing. After some time, the boy started to understand that holding his temper is easier that driving nails into the fence.

One day the boy didn‘t need hammer and nails anymore as he learned to hold his temper perfectly. So he came to his father and told about his achievement. „Now every time, when you hold your temper all day long, pull out one nail“.

Much time has passed. At last the boy could be proud of himself as all the nails were gone. When he came to his father and told about this, he offered to come and take a careful look at the fence. „You did a good job, my son, but pay your attention to the holes that left from the nails. The fence will never be the same. The same happens when your say hurtful things to people, as your words leave scars in their hearts like those holes in the fence. Remember, we need to treat everyone with love and respect, because it doesn‘t matter, that you say you are sorry, the scars will not disappear.

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